still alive
yes I am still here. haven't felt like wrting the past few months. living my life has taken the front seat. well that and working in a thankless job that has had me down a lot of the time...
View Articlemoving
So this spring will bring new changes in life. I honestly cannot wait.I am leaving H2Otown for greener pastures--- or at least different onesMoving south of the city- a region I honestly despise but am...
View Article4 years and one day
yesterday was 4 years. 4 long and painful, joyous and heartbreaking years. it was not a good day at all. it's the one day a year i wish i didn't work where he died. it broke me yesterday. walking in...
View Articleloving out loud
I was speaking to someone the other day about John and some things that I really missed about him. One of the things that came up was that John would say "I love you" no matter who was in hearing...
View Articleupdate
so this time i really have an excuse for not updating.... i finally moved. It was a lot more heartwrenching than i thought it would be as i moved into the apartment i was in a week after john died....
View Articleum
ok so you know how everyone has that one friend in life that is your fallback person- in my case a fallback guy. you know the guy you can't stay away from and sooner or later iwll probably end up...
View Articlestaycation
i am so excited!!i do not have to step foot into work for 16 days :)my first vacation in a year and a half which i cannot believewhat am i doing with all this time?ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!spa day...
View ArticleArticle 17
vacation is good--- i am realizing exactly how much exhaustion i have built up in a year and a half with no time off . glad i took 2 weeks as i am still pretty worn out.there will be some more posts...
View ArticleArticle 16
c has been feeling pretty sick lately. not sick like a flu but sick as in a number of things that scare the both of us. blurred vision, forgetting things, tired all the time. things that aren't like...
View ArticleArticle 15
in case anyone still reads this....the chapter of my life that was c. is over. i ended it. we wanted two very different things and i was not willing to wait for him to want what i need.however- it...
View ArticleArticle 14
i had posted this on f---book at the 5 year mark. i don't ever want to lose it so am going to post it here too.How can it be 5 years?Five years without his voice, without his laugh, his smile, his...
View Articlethinking in new ways
in typical fashion- i am kicking myself because i spent 3 years of my life trying to make c love me and he never did.but now i am going to think in a new wayif i had just been with john and then with j...
View ArticleArticle 12
there have been 14 babies born this summer in my life. 14 friends that have such beautiful babies. there are 8 boys and 6 girls and all of them are completely healthy (auntie kyle is completely broke...
View Articlenote to self
Dear SelfIn case a time ever comes where you cannot remember this time in your life....you are incredibly happy. happier than you have been in such a long time. joyful even.you love.you have beautiful...
View Articleheartbroken
so J and I are no longer...he met another girl... or I should say he has known another girl...he is in love with me and loves me very much... but has known her longer and has started to fall in love...
View ArticleArticle 9
So this week-- in the midst of a lot of soul searching and figuring things out (which by the way J just called and I didn't have the impulse to throw up so must be making some progress)- I was talking...
View ArticleArticle 8
so the anniversary is coming up...this year all the days match up with the days of the week which makes it a little more real to remember exactly what was happening. I am going to try to write about...
View ArticleMarch 6, 2004
On Saturday morning John's mother got called into work. Neither one of us had ever been as happy to be able to spend some time together. Kathy refused to leave John alone and arranged for his aunt to...
View ArticleMarch 8, 2004
Sunday I was not able to see John so instead I spent it with a couple of friends of his trying to figure out how to get him out of the house and into a place that would accomodate him.Monday- the 8th....
View ArticleArticle 5
On Tuesday I got to the Brigham by 6am. When I got to John's room what I saw shocked me.He could barely breathe. His arm had swollen up so that he couldn't move it. He was trying to get on a gurney so...
View ArticleMarch 11, 2004
Thursday morning I left home and decided I didn't want to take the time to get on the bus to get to the Brigham. It felt like I needed to get there right away.I was right.John had gone steadily...
View ArticleMarch 12, 2004
I woke up from my nap in the family room with the entrance of John's dad. I had never been so grateful to see anyone in my life. I was just so happy he had made it and John was still alive.However John...
View ArticleMarch 13, 2004
Early in the morning on the 13th I woke up and went to the living room. No phone calls.Took a shower and was out the door with Dana fairly quickly. We went back to the Brigham and there were no changes...
View ArticleArticle 1
There has been a lot going on the past 2 weeks while I was retelling John's story.I met someone- V.He is the one. We both feel that. Some may think that we are crazy but when you know you just know.He...
View ArticleArticle 0
So one may wonder what has happened in the 2 plus years since I have been here.... a lot... and then nothing. I was incredibly happy with V. He is a terrific man and a wonderful friend. However, we did...
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